My 21st birthday in 1989, clearly a surprise party cause I woulda had a keg.

I am thrilled to be celebrating my 47th birthday on my actual birthday, September 8th and to be doing it in a big way. Here’s all you need to know and probably TMI. I may be to amped up to answer texts so I am trying to be thorough, coke-mom style.

When: Tuesday, Sept. 8th 8P< to 12AM. No early birds, please! (That's a hot mess' pet peeve) Although if you are wanting pre-party dinner, the front area of Sal's including a covered patio is good for that! Where: Sal’s Comedy hole in the back part of Sal’s Italian Resturant, 7356 Melrose Ave, Los Angeles 90038 (323) 651-3822. Neither RSVP nor reservations required. Also no need to text that you are late, parking, not coming, still coming. I’m going to be loaded. Feel free to send dick pics, tho. I got my Android back.

Food and Dress: Wear what you want. This is not a Merchant Ivory film or a Robert Palmer video. Sal’s has great Italian food that I have never eaten, including $10 pizzas. Booze-wise they serve beer and wine. I will have a birthday cake there, provided by “Sugar Daddy” Dennis Devine who will also be snapping some party pics, best guy buddy reppin’the 818, so say cheeze.

Parking: It’s Hollywoodish so parking sucks but I’ve had worst and I host Comedy Resin at Sal’s every Monday, so tend to park on the residential streets South of Melrose, sometimes even close to LaBrea. READ THE SIGNS as even the res. area has rules. We got this.

Roast the host: Ann-Marie Symonds came up with the idea of roasting me and people seem into it… No obligation of course, and with a room full of comics it could be dangerous that people use it to work out jokes that have NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! This being said the roast will go form 10:30 to 11:00 and we will do ten slots with three minutes each. If we go a little over and start a little late, cool. I’m not a control freak. If you have seen my bedroom (and who hasn’t) you know this… The sign up for the roast will be at a table in the back, babes. I’m starting it that late so Vargus can get his ass over from the store. There is no pressure, Hell, not even any pressure to come to the party. Like I said, I’ll be loaded. Get the word out and invite who you want, especially guys who can only get hard for mature women.

Fun Stuff: Sal’s has been really good to me ever since I started hosting for Dante and Rebekah there. They seem appreciative of comics and the business they bring, unlike some other Hollywood spots. No names mentioned but it rhymes with fig, thistle, etc. I know you will take care of Tanisha and crew as they hook us up tomorrow. There is no cover to attend the party (This ain’t the Clinton years with a Bush atiitude) but please eat and drink, or just drink – like me. Gifts are sure a non-issue. If you feel like donating ten bucks to Beagles and Buddies dog rescue in my name it would be pimp and if you insist on being a major baller here’s my WISH LIST.

Thanks for your time and now let’s get reasonably fucked up, network and make out-and do me proper by subscribing to KITTEN2COUGARS’s You Tube. See you tomorrow, or not!

Paris Kennedy and I share our Dead Guy Crush #DGC on Paul Walker, who wasn’t driving!