Dig it- Stalkers!
My thing for sleaze led me to the West Valley, specifically Winnetka. It’s next to Chatsworth, home of the porn stars. Winnetka is more about fetish stars, women who don’t want to fuck on camera but still need to pay thier boyfriend’s rent. It still has plenty of Boogie Nights’ charm. I live really close to the Miss Donuts that Don Cheadle went in looking for a bear claw. I love the big lots the West Valley homes are built on, perfect privacy for porn, horror movies, or actual domestic violence. You can look your neighbors in the eye cause they didn’t hear the fake sex or real fight.
Romantic View from My Crebs Avenue Crib in Reseda
I also have a tendency to move into places that the previous tenants used as a homebase for terrorizing the neighborhood in one way or another with their devil cults or shitty bands. You become the default good neighbor. Peple don’t care what you do as long as you’re not those people. It’s cool to have the cops stop by your house and not be looking for you. “No, officers, they used to live here. I never met them. I’m functional trashy.”
Got a a yard, dog and pants. Blessed!
I don’t know what draws me to these particular addresses in the West Valley. One person’s crackhouse in another’s shabby chic. Maybe it’s the stillness of the valley that takes the edge off my PTSD not to mention I couldn’t afford a yard big enough for all my dogs in Hollywood, or even North Hollywood (Valley Lite). I get the occasional Jo Ho stopping by and could see zombies getting curious, but it’s me and the kids here, the rescued pets that is. Winnetka is great birth control! I always thought there was nothing a guy wouldn’t do to get laid but as it turns out it’s drive north of Sherman Way. If the movie Clueless branded the 818 in general as geographically undesirable, then the West Valley is unfuckable. It’s impossible for a guy to show up to your house in a good mood. That’s not fun for me either. I see gas prices on the news- don’t wanna hear about them in bed. I don’t expect someone to bring candy or flowers but don’t show up at my door shaking and empty gas can. I know I’m 50 minutes for the grand-a month single you share with three guys on Yucca Street but if you have this much hate for the 818, it’s better we stay friends without benefits. You’re missing out on a great time with a cool lady who has a huge yard.